OMG, Kiss my squirrel!

Nerd, geek, swot, grind, wonk, dweeb... What is that? According to a dictionary it is: "an insignificant student who is ridiculed as being affected or studying excessively". Well this bad boy wonk on these pics...Is MY wonk. This is from his bachelor party in 2003. His friends bought the ugliest clothes they could find for him from UFF (thriftstore) and look at him. Gorgeous, don't u think? Well he had to go around promoting his fictive new album. And look at those girls (and boy). They totally fell for it...him.

And btw...If you didn't hear...Nerd is the new black.

I hate losing!

We went skiing in the Swedish "alps"...haha Yeah, alps, we wish. It's more like a bunch of hills up here compared to the real alps, but still beautiful. And I once again noticed how much I hate to lose. Or being bad at something. Visa (my hubby) has only been skiing downhill for 3-4 years and I've done it since I was a kid. And I thought it would be like Baloo the bear teaching Mowgli the orphan kid brought up by wolves ("Jag ska lära dig allt jag kan")...But this Baloo bear got to bite the sour apple. Because it turns out all you have to do to be better than Mioli at skiing downhill...Is to be called Visa and be afraid of NOTHING...So the first time we hit the slopes...The bastard just flew past me. And I was not the one giving him tips and wating down at the lifts. Bloody hell. He had to wait for me. I can't take it.

It's a good thing he's also better at taking moping than I am. At least I am better at being the moper.

MY BUCKET LIST 21-30

21. Paraglide in New Zealand.
22. Design my own line of clothes, labelled Mioli.
23. Ride the tram in San Francisco without paying (danger is my middle name).
24. Get a secret tattoo.
25. Get a Motorcycle and a licence to drive it, and oh yeah, get that Kill Bill suit.
26. Go on a trip around the world for 6-12 Months.
27. Give something that I love up for someone I love.
28. Give compliments every day to people I don’t know.
29. Stop swearing. Oh crap, I don’t want to do that. I like swearing. It’s liberating.
30. Jump from a cliff higher (into the water, I don’t want to die) than 6 metres. Oooooh, someone is really living on the edge! It’s better to burn out than fade away!

"Fugly is the new pretty"

Is it fug (fantastically ugly) or fab? Is apparently the new (or maybe I'm just late at getting in on the word) thing. And I love it! Go check out these hilarious fug girls' website at:

http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/

I just wish I would have thought of this first. Dammit! ;)

"Fashion fades..."

..."only style remains the same".

Coco Chanel


"The most coragous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud."

Coco Chanel

Diamonds are a girls best friends

This is what I'm playing with now a days...Except for my blog, that is... I got it as a gift for my birthday (Visa wants me to be like all the cool Asian girls and be down with the latest tech. I have no prob with that. I want to be down with as much stuff as I can ;) ).

Extensions, baby!

On my trip to Paradise (Northern Mariana Islands; Saipan) I took the chance to get something fake. And it was not a purse, but eyelashes! I only paid 10 US Dollars for the whole shabang. In Stockholm the price is tenfold. (I actually found a place that pimps your eyes here in Sthlm. Check out: http://www.fakermaker.se/ (Their price for a new set is 1195 sek).

Anyway, I can just say: PIMP YOUR EYES AWAY!

Some things are just not your fault.

I visited my sister last week and got the honour to shave the last bit of her goldie locks off. First of all...not everybody can pull a bald head off, but my sister can! Bald and beautiful! One day I'll put a pic of her perfect skull up here.

She told me that she has gotten compliments on being brave and staying positive in the midst of this battle of cancer and chemotherapy. And that she has. But she is still a woman and misses her hair...eyebrows...and half of her eyelashes (the armpit hair...not so much, though). She spoke about it to our cousin, Rami. And he said such a smart thing. You know one of those things you know, but need to hear...And when you do...you go: ahhhh, that's so true.

Rami: "I admire your positive attitude and strength"

Annika: "Thank you, I try my best, but I don't look too hot, though"

Rami: "But that's not your fault"

That's when my sister realized that some things you can't affect. It's better to put your energy on the things you can, like your attitude.

Tetris won...

First of all, my husband totally had to show his id, entering a notorious (not in a good way either, oh yeah...People have died) bar in Stockholm. The guy looks like sub-eighteen and he's turning the big three-o next month! I like them young... ;)

Anyway, there we are at this bar with friends...And our company is not enough to keep Visa awake. But guess what is? TETRIS. I guess he is a teenager after all. Or just a guy.

How to express stupidity...

...in the best way?

Here are a few good suggestions:

"Doesn't/Don't have all the horses in the stable"
"Doesn't/Don't have all the indians in the canoe"
"Doesn't/Don't have all the french fries on the plate"

My favorite is:

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead".

Copyright Fat To, Hong Kong. This is the Chinese Me: Meow. On and Off.
Creds to the photographer, a dear friend of mine, Billy.
Make up by the fabulous Nichol Chau.

The Masquerade party theme was Burlesque/Goth... Easy choice! Dita von Teese, you've got competition, girl... *ha ha* That girl "har pung" has balls going dressed liked that. My man, it was scary! With me is my fabulous friend H and my hubby.

"It's better to get hurt by the truth than to get comfort from a lie"

I read that in the book I'm reading now: The Kiterunner by Khaled Hosseini. So far I read 92 pages, so I'm not gonna say anything more. Just that some sayings actually makes me go: Aaaahhhh *the tender soft voice* instead of AAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHH *the-I'm-gonna-puke-and-hit-you-while-I'm-doing-it-voice* and make me want to bite my ears off. I also like the finnish saying:

"If you bow in one direction, you show the ass in the other one"

Have you ever felt like a lucky cheese? That's a saying in swedish. If someone's lucky...He is a lucky cheese. Cheezy huh?! Ha ha (are you puking and hitting me?)

MY BUCKET LIST 11-20

11. Learn how to sing, preferably before number 5.
12. Learn how to speak Spanish properly and then move to Barcelona and eat churros.
13. Learn Italian, French.
14. Go to the Maldives and scream in one of those sound proof bungalows.
15. See U2 perform live.
16. Write a book. That people would read.
17. Speak 10 languages fluently. Fluently, I tell you. Like I do Chinese. Gau laaaa Gau laaa.
18. Surf a barrel.
19. Go to Australia and say G’day mate to everyone I meet.
20. Go to a gay bar in Iran, oh, that’s right they don’t have any homosexuals.

Who loves more?

My sister, Annika, asked me one day:

"Do you love Visa (my hubby for life) more or does he love you more?"

In Maria's troubled, blonde head:

"Hmm...Tough one. I'd like to say that he loves me more, I wonder why. Maybe that would mean that I'm more desirable or something. Nah, that's not it. Maybe I would be safer then somehow. It'd be reassuring, I guess. It could mean that no matter what I feel or whatever happens, I would always know that he loves me, at least a little bit, unless somebody gives him the darn one billion, that is. (phew, that's a lot of commas!) Damn. I have a pathological desire to be loved by everybody."

Maria: I think it varies. Sometimes I love him more and vice versa.

Annika: Good answer, you should be a politician (she didn't really say that, but I think she should have).

Maria: But how do you measure love? (Wow, I'm deep!)

Annika: Maybe in how much you need the other person.

Maria: I'm gonna write about this in my blog. So much for being deep.

What do you think? How do you measure love? Is it possible even? I mean how do I even know that my love is the same feeling as your love? My blue might be your black. (And Visa thinks I'm no philosopher, hah) I guess you don't have to measure love. It's not like it's a competition. What would it be good for?

MY BUCKET LIST 1-10

1. Ride a mechanical Bull. And not die.
2. Smack a famous person on the cheeks. The back ones. And get away with it.
3. Dance ballet on stage again. And look good in those unforgiving tights.
4. Skinny dip in a fountain down town.
5. Record a song.
6. Act.
7. Learn how to strip, and get one of those telescope poles. Always ready! ;)
8. Eat sushi in Japan.
9. Have a career.
10. Name a kid something funky, like Stingray.

Am I this easy?

I was on a walk with my friend when we passed a store that I just had to take a quick look at. And there it was...The newest of the newest trends á la Stockholm: The belly button shirt. Let me write that again: BELLY BUTTON shirt!!! And I laughed at it to my friend whereto she responds:

"You know that it will only take a few weeks/months and you'll be wearing one of those puppies, don't ya."

Maria: "No I would never wear something like that, it's really ugly".

Being in Stockholm...Is sometimes like a disease. It's contagious! So I'm now worried I will get the belly button shirt germ and start wearing them. I'm telling you...If I do wear one of those monstrous shirts...You're totally free to hold it against me!

One billion dollars...

So my hubby Visa wont like that I'm writing this, but I know he can take it....So here goes.
We had an interesting conversation while wating for our flight in Saipan.

Visa asks me:
"Would you give me up for one billion dollars?"

Hmm... This sounds like such a girly question, I think to myself. Does that mean he just wants to hear me say that I love him so much, there is not enough money in the world...? Nah... This is my husband we're talking about... So that can't be the case. So I take my time pondering the question. And realize I'm kind of girly (or whatever)...Because my answer was:

"No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be happy without you, not even if I were one billion dollars rich".

And his reaction threw me off. He was so surprised he was almost upset. He repeated himself:

"Did you not hear me, I said one billion dollars! Think about what you can get for that money".

Maria: "But I just want you, baby"

Now he really gets agitated (poor thing, being married to such a all-about-feelings-and-stuff-girl).

Visa: "I mean, you could go to space, Maria! You could buy countries, change the world economics, You could be the king of the world!"

I start singing "Can't buy me love..."

But then it hits me...

Maria: "Does that mean you would sell me for one billion dollars?"

Well you can guess the answer...

ps. He now calls me the one billion dollar woman.

ps.2 He wouldn't say sell...

An American, A German and a Swede...

...were at a bar when a guy walks in through the door. All of them blurt out: "JESUS!" And the guy comes up to them and says:

-"Yes, I am"

The American, after a minute of awe, then asks Jesus:

-"If you really are Jesus, can you help me with this backache I've had for years?"

Well yes ofcourse, Jesus answers and *Poof*, the backache was gone. The German continues:

-"Oh Mr Jesus, I've been struggling with this Migrane for years..." And *Poof* it was gone. After that Jesus comes up to the Swede and asks:

-"What about you, my friend. How can I help you?"

Whereto the Swede responds:

-"Oh God no, I'm on sickleave I don't want any help".

Epiffany in Paradise...

So you come to this remote paradise with all kinds of expectations and predetermined thoughts on how it's gonna be and even a slightly prejudice mindset. You spend 2 weeks there, totally spoiled. Just to be in a place like that is amazing.
Why is it amazing? Well...I guess cause it's so different from what you are used to. So far away from home. And you start to think. Oh crap...I should stop writing "you", since it's pretty clear that we (I; all the forms) are talking about me. This is my blog and it's always about me me me. (I even got a shirt in Hong Kong with a huge (I mean big enough to cover Pamel Anderssons titties) "M" on it. Totally EGO. I love it. The perfect "so-this-is-me-shirt", like the famous Carrie necklace SJP wore on Sex in The City. But the new thing now, if u hadn't heard, is to tattoo your name on your neck. I mean that's really good. You don't even have to talk to people anymore. You just flip your hair (well...all the girly girls out there who have long enough hair to flip some anyway) to introduce yourself. I'm just gonna point at my shirt and give people the "you-can-call-me-M-look".
So where was I... Yes...I was in PARADISE! And the thing about Paradise...and I guess every place on earth, is that you before you go there, have all kinds of expectations...Not only about the place...but about what it's gonna do to you. Especially the Paradise. It has to do something, right?

I had an epiffany in Paradise.

Paradise was totally fantastic. But I was still the same.

Hong Kong for 6 Months was amazing. But I was still the same.


Maybe wiser in some ways and definitely richer when it comes to experience, but still the same. I guess being grown up (physiologically anyway) means that you are pretty much who you are gonna be regardless of where you are. I hope you like me as I am, baby. ;) Wherever I am.

I don't mean that people can't change, but I guess the change, if there is one, is caused by something else than just change of location even if it were PARADISE. (I just really want everybody to know I've been to Paradise, a-ha a-ha)